How old am I? Shame on you, I’m not a car

I grew up watching “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” on MTV. In a recent New York Times article about Cyndi Lauper, 70, she said she refused to give her age to interviewers during the video era.

“I’m not a car,” she said.

Oh, if I had half her moxie!

I was so enamored of her kookiness, I didn’t pick up on her feminist lyric: “Oh mama dear, we’re not the fortunate ones.”

I probably danced the life out of She’s So Unusual, on cassette tape, but I didn’t understand that lyric until now.

At my age, 49, I feel tenderness for female ancestors who won the right to vote in 1920. That’s not that long ago, people! The fact that women were denied personhood for so long still has implications, not just in history books but among the day-to-day business in families and places of work.

I bet we can all trace the specter of gender discrimination. In the famous video, Cyndi confronts it with humor in the kitchen, with her actual mother. Home is where many of us first learn our status, what it really is outside of the courts.

Shame can so easily creep into every little girl’s life.

In 1965, the United States Supreme Court allowed married couples the right to make private contraceptive decisions through Griswold vs. Connecticut. In 1972, unmarried people earned the right to possess contraceptives through Eisenstadt v. Baird.

Of the two landmark cases, I’m struck by the second. I’m an unmarried person who has sometimes struggled to feel like a full-fledged citizen. Eisenstadt is only two years older than I am.

Outside of judgements at work, some churches, and all weddings, being single is pretty great. I’m not against marriage, by the way. I just have seen the effects of poor matches, which often impact women more deeply than men in terms of money and social standing. Marriage to the wrong person can KILL YOU.

Yet learning to stand as my truthful self has absolutely taken five decades. If I were a car, I’d be proud of my mileage that includes embracing my Christianity, my romantic relationship, and my struggles toward financial independence in a meaningful career.

Like Cyndi, “I want to be the one to walk in the sun.”

“Everything I wanted [fans] to understand was in that video,” she said.

Even today, her strong voice is still so unusual.